Beware of Vegan Macaroni

In the modern age there are many different health and fitness fads that seem to come and go like middle-aged divorced men from Asian massage parlors. However, one fad that has decided to Lil Mama its way into relevancy is veganism. For all of you blood sucking carnivores out there that do not understand the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian 1. really bruh…you don’t know the difference, 2. then Jamaican Jesus decided to cover your eyes with the blood that drips from his divine dreadlocks, you lucky bastard. To vegetarians, vegans are collectively “that guy”. Vegans are vegetarians doing the upmost, for no apparent reason than to say, “Oh, I’m not vegetarian. I’m a vegan”.

However, what they do not know is after years and years of having tasteless food, their taste buds have become more shriveled than the prunes their grandmothers suck on.

About a year ago, I was at a dinner with my family at a friend’s house (friend is being nice. I did not like a single soul in that house), I was only there for the food. I see some macaroni and cheese (which is one of my favorite foods) and immediately pounced on it, not knowing it was vegan (I know right, how in Haitian Hell can you make vegan macaroni and cheese). At the first bite, I tasted nothing; it was neither good nor bad.

. I should have stopped there, but Jamaican Jesus was not there to guide me (he was at Burger King). At the second bite, I could feel my tongue begin to reject the hazardous substance from my mouth. But I was attempting to be polite to my new “friends”, and their daughter was somewhat hot (about a 7.5 - 8.4), but I could not tell for sure because the sugar was being sucked out of my body and I was getting light headed. I was already on my last ounce of strength when I took the third bite. It was at that moment Nazer knew, he ****** up. I instantly ran to the bathroom and exorcised the demon from my stomach. Lil Wayne could not make up words that could describe how bad that meal was. I still cannot look at macaroni without interrogating the cook about its contents. So let this be a fair warning to all of those preparing to jump on that vegan bandwagon. For the sake of your tongue and macaroni and cheese everywhere, just.... don’t.

Disclaimer: The observations and opinions made on this post do not reflect the values and beliefs of InsideDormWalls but only David's and David's alone. Please be aware that all comments said in this post are of humor and are not meant to offend anyone... and if you can't get with that I got two words for ya: SUCK IT!!